Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Chamber Duet II

 See how I love you darling
skittering down the rotten leaf path with a lamp
wearing my delicate gloves and old cardigan
against the chill and damp?

Don't hand me shit about loving sailors now
with their faces like pale wrinkled moons
floating up to sing you shanteys
while you percolate in shallows like a wax Quadroon.

My frail sweetheart, what's become of you?
You used to gild heaven just by looking up.
Now, if we touch, it's with a cypress branch
to roll love's body in the muck.

We really cared once, you know it's true
with every movement meant to please.
Now your sailors adore you with gassy grins
and stultifying ease.

I'll use tiny clippers on a driftwood cello
a balsa fake to echo and bore
a waterside horror to mock two biddies
our love song evermore.
______

for Dverse Poetics "After Saint Valentine left the building." 






9 comments:

  1. See how I love you darling
    skittering down the rotten leaf path with a lamp
    wearing my delicate gloves and old cardigan
    against the chill and damp?....ye gods¨!...but that is only the first step! Such sardonic verse feels so liberating for the reader...I really liked reading those lines...there is something therapeutic about such rawness...

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  2. Oh, there's a darkness here and a bitterness. I wasn't quite sure what happened at the end - but I feared the worst. I love the delicate gloves and old cardigan - what a great image.

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  3. This rewrite, despite its nod to formality and meter, is as wild and cutting as they come. St. Valentine has not only left the building, he threw acid on the hostess and a Molotov cocktail through the window as he waltzed away down the drive. These sorts of poems scour us clean, and show the dark side of what love can do, a necessary remedy, I believe, but one not everyone has the strength to swallow. A fine little knife of a poem, Shay.

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  4. A vivid phantasmagorical fantasy. Like Joy said, "A fine little knife of a poem."

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  5. Deliciously dark Shay. The bitter taste of love’s light gone dark and angry. Wonderful strength in the piece.

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  6. This is incredibly strong writing, Shay!💝 I especially resonate with; "Now, if we touch, it's with a cypress branch to roll love's body in the muck."

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  7. This sounds like a very panful extended parting... still there but far away with a heart carried by sailors...

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  8. This is so raw with its directness and bitterness, yet powerful. Like, who needs the rotting corpse of your so-called love. It's great.

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  9. When love turns sour...you really weave that feeling well into your sea-shanty of a tale!

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don't be stupid.