From summer: six bricks and the last new leaves;
she said, dear girl, good luck with these.
Nine nights, I dreamed
that you were back
in old felt hat, solid black.
My bricks contained you half the year;
my leaf-heart stolen off with, dear--
a white cat switched and left behind--
kitty deaf, mistress blind.
_______
for this.
I enjoyed your poem!
ReplyDeleteYou have crammed a lot between the lines here, Shay. I like the numbers and the colours, as well as the cadence of the lines with the short vowels. One could click one's fingers to the rhythm.
ReplyDeleteI think "exchange" is really "ex-change." These are all about a break-up --- beautifully, painfully written. It seems to me that the first one is from the POV of an onlooker, a friend maybe. The other two are written in the voices of the two former lovers. The final of the three is my favorite. It's kind of chant-y.
ReplyDeleteA new blog lends to fresh voicing, or voices. Plenty here. Third stanza I read as blent of the former two.
ReplyDeleteI like the numbers, too, which must have significance to the narrator. Indeed, a starker cadence, and venue, for starker times. I love your third stanza so much, especially your closing line.
ReplyDeleteWow! You REBORN!
ReplyDeleteinteresting, really interesting - the rhythms, the rhyme, the pace ... indeed, a bit of a chant-like quality to it, and the point of view narration/interrupted, really is effective. A very unique and creative 55 - I rather like this, and the use of the bricks and/or vs. leaves is most excellent.
ReplyDeleteLove the beat that this has. Almost like a poetic riddle. I had to read it several times, and each time, I longed to read it again!
ReplyDelete